http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/...Love, Life and Lessons Learned!en-EUMokoFeed10http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/6f/26ca9d14873d4980896b6d96dbfedc_160x200.jpghttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/11/19/a-reflection-on-how-i-feel-right-now-7415918/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2009-11-19:/2009/11/19/a-reflection-on-how-i-feel-right-now-7415918/Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:51:05 +0100 <p>...and what seems like every day. I am going to continue writting about my year in Canada but right now I feel like moaning because of the whole situation in waiting to go back and job thing made me reflect cus i just e-mailed one of my best friends in T.O and i pretty much said that my ife is really boring here and I can't even get a job. (apart from the one i was offered- yeh so I got offered a job which was too far away, less pay and i was over qualified for- the whole savings idea wouldn't even be considered so i declined it!) so it really sucks. I don't even have any friends either! -well 2 but when your married it's not exactly the same is it now so weekends when people go out and have fun im at home. Even going to the gym feels like a chore!! Same old fuckin route there and back!! It's really depressing! How exciting is my life!!! NOT!! </p> <p>To top off my boring life, when i was there i met this guy  ' The Engineer/Analyst' aka E.A who i'd seen around ( i'll explain his story later)  at various bollywood nights and  it was going well -sorta and he knew i was coming back here but yeah anyway. so when I got back he stopped talking to me claiming work was 'busy' so now Iv realised that he def has a gf, although I dont really care I just feel totally STUPID cus i had e-mailed him when i first got back here and  my instincts were so right bout him wanting just one thing so iv decided from now on when i get that feeling about someone they can fuck right off. Also what  bothering me (since i have nothing else to do) he has this constant update on his FB and what do i have on mine?Nothing because Iv become mega boring with nothing interesting to say or do apart from moan about how boring life is! lol -like right now and I don't even feel like getting out of bed or getting dressed up in that matter!</p> <p>Rant over!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/11/19/a-reflection-on-how-i-feel-right-now-7415918/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>rantlifejobthe-enginneranalyst-eahttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/11/19/a-reflection-on-how-i-feel-right-now-7415918/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/11/17/i-left-my-heart-in-downtown-toronto-the-day-i-finally-found-a-place-to-call-home-7392319/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2009-11-17:/2009/11/17/i-left-my-heart-in-downtown-toronto-the-day-i-finally-found-a-place-to-call-home-7392319/Tue, 17 Nov 2009 01:12:07 +0100 <p>After alot of stress and visiting alot of shitty places which were so not worth giving money for, and spending two weeks at my aunts place in the suberbs who i barely knew,  i went to see one on a Sunday afternoon at end of septemer 2008. I had been e-mailing this girl for a week and she said possibly sunday so i emailed sat to see if she was free and went to look. When i got there I didnt even realise it was a place of apartments. I met my future roomate.  'The Bitch'  (will explain and will become clearer as i write bout it all) and her cat kunu, her gay brother DS and our other roomate who was from korea, Nicx</p> <p>The apartment was perfect, clean and nice and even though i was bit edgy over the cat i thought to myself that since id effectivly got rid of my fear of the furies staying with my aunt and her two cats it would be ok with this one.</p> <p>I was concerned about furniture but my aunt gave me some, and i finally moved in and fell in love with the place, the cat and thought thst my roomates were the best! All in all i had finally found a place to call home in downtown Toronto.</p> <p>The good times were about to begin..</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/11/17/i-left-my-heart-in-downtown-toronto-the-day-i-finally-found-a-place-to-call-home-7392319/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>my-love-lifeapartmentthe-bitchdowntownnicxtorontodshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/11/17/i-left-my-heart-in-downtown-toronto-the-day-i-finally-found-a-place-to-call-home-7392319/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/11/17/i-left-my-heart-in-downtown-toronto-the-first-days-7391939/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2009-11-16:/2009/11/17/i-left-my-heart-in-downtown-toronto-the-first-days-7391939/Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:34:29 +0100 <p>Not specifically relating to a love interest (although partially) but also to that life and everything else i experienced and learnt about my self whilst being in a city of tall buildings, the busy lifestyle and the 24hour nightlife to the work, the people, the roomates, the fakers and even the beggers.</p> <p>I remember the very first day I landed and it all just felt like a dream come true. 5 of us sitting in the Express city bus to downtown, sun blazing and all of us dressed for what we thought was winter. A 35 min ride later I caught my first glimps of the famous CN tower  which was one of the biggest focal points in my year in Toronto. It was exciting. The rush of seeing these tall buildings and the warm heat and excitment of getting to the city and experiencing life alone was well worth all the drama's I had written about in my previous posts.</p> <p>I remember sitting in an orange cab with 4 of the girls who had ventured off to Canada as i had and we were making our way to the biggest shopping centres there. As this orange cab drove us along richmond st, and through the unknown to us the financial district to the biggest tourist attraction of T,O we got out and debated whether we had over tipped the driver. - A constant worry I found I faced when i first arrived.</p> <p>It all seemed fantastic, and surreal. Then I would never have imaged that I would have ended up living 10mins away from the heart of it all and even dreamed that I would have gotten a job ,with a huge bank, in an office in a building attached directly to the biggest ever tourist shopping mall in Ontario!!</p> <p> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/11/17/i-left-my-heart-in-downtown-toronto-the-first-days-7391939/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>malltorontocabhttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/11/17/i-left-my-heart-in-downtown-toronto-the-first-days-7391939/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/11/04/plan-a-b-and-c-7306118/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2009-11-04:/2009/11/04/plan-a-b-and-c-7306118/Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:56:48 +0100 <p>Current plan:<br> Trying to find some temp work so I can save up the cash to apply for the canada work permit again and pay for the flight and insurance there. So far the job thing isn't going too well. Im trying to stay optimistic until i find the destiny of plan A</p> <p>Plan A:<br> 1 month till I find out my fate of going back to Toronto. (Dec , im waiting for you to roll on right by and make my dreams come true)</p> <p>Im just waiting to know so I can e-mail my manager at the bank over there and tell her Im coming back so she can offer me a job. Appranntly she really likes me and i think that the job i was doing I would have got offered a permanant contract, damn my visa running out just before I could get to that stage. But Iv been told on several occasions to get in touch once I get this permit so as soon as i Know she is the first person I'll be e-mailing. </p> <p>Plan B<br> I'm thinking that If i don't get this visa then I'm going to India for 12 weeks and volunteer. (Anything to avoid sliiping into the traditional job, car, flat, mortage routine)</p> <p>I'd rather not stay in Edinburgh, because it just sucks. For me anyway, it doesnt have the same appeal it did when i was at uni here. So i think my back up would be to try this volunteer thing. ( It's so not going to be good for my bank balance) so i think Im going to also have to come up with a plan C</p> <p>Plan C<br> Traditional job thing but that means that It's gunna be hard to do anything else because ultimatly i reckon once i get on that route that's going to be it. Maybe trying to find a stable job will be good in terms of money and stability.</p> <p>I really wonder what will happen! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/11/04/plan-a-b-and-c-7306118/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>moveplan-cindiaplan-bjobworktorontoplan-ahttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/11/04/plan-a-b-and-c-7306118/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/31/dreams-7282388/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2009-10-31:/2009/10/31/dreams-7282388/Sat, 31 Oct 2009 20:34:45 +0100 <p>Last night i dreamt of a guitar!!</p> <p> I dreamt i was holding one and attempting to play it and breaking a string or two and then asking someone , i can't recall if it was a man or woman if what i was doing was right.</p> <p> I walk into costco this afternoon and i see a GUITAR!!<br> It's like this instrument is haunting me. </p> <p> So I looked it up on dream dictionary and here's the interpretation: </p> <p> <em>To see or play a guitar in your dream, represents passion and emotion. <br>It also relates to sexual connotations and may signal an erotic or sensual dream.</em></p> <p>um OK!! not the sort of sexual/erotic/sensual dream I had imagined!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/31/dreams-7282388/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>guitardreamshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/31/dreams-7282388/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/31/ever-since-7278454/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2009-10-31:/2009/10/31/ever-since-7278454/Sat, 31 Oct 2009 01:16:55 +0100 <p>..i've come back from Toronto iv been highly addicted to :</p> <p>1. Lucozade<br>2. Chocolate<br>3. Kettle chips</p> <p>I don't really know why! hmmm<img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/image/smileys/icon_crazy.gif" alt=""></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/31/ever-since-7278454/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>torontocanadahttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/31/ever-since-7278454/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/29/race-and-science-7271497/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2009-10-29:/2009/10/29/race-and-science-7271497/Thu, 29 Oct 2009 23:54:27 +0100 <p><a href="http://raceandscience.channel4.com/">http://raceandscience.channel4.com/</a></p> <p>Im loving these new programes on channel 4. It's so shocking and controversial. </p> <p>Im watching How racist are you? the other night i watched the series on Bleach, nip and tuck which i found sad, esp seeing the preview for the second one where people are going through surgery to look like the common 'white' person. </p> <p>Very controversial! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/29/race-and-science-7271497/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>contoversialracetvhttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/29/race-and-science-7271497/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/27/this-time-last-year-7256622/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2009-10-27:/2009/10/27/this-time-last-year-7256622/Tue, 27 Oct 2009 22:50:33 +0100 <p>I was in the heart of downown Toronto, in my swanky ( to my then standards) apartment, moments way from the ever famous Eaton Centre (where my future office was), a chineese resturant (actually 4 surround the blocks) a cosy starbucks open till 11pm and in a basking view of the city lit up and the CN Tower glowing away and two pretty cool ladies who shared the place with me.</p> <p>Fast forward to this time present day, <br>Im in Edinburgh, away from any sort of city lights, nothings open, in my old bedroom, watching shitty tv, on msn, feeling lost because this is the life i was craving to get away from when i was at uni.</p> <p>I dont  think im fully reay to go back to Toronto just yet, It was fate my application didnt work out while i was there , hence coming back to figure out what i really wanted. I think i want to go back but i need this time to find something to do. Yet another day of job searches. A woman from  an agency called me up enquiring about my CV she found online and wanted to know what i was looking for.  Got a reply from one of the temp jobs i applied for saying they have already filled the vacancy. Great, another round of endless cover letters shall be sent out tmrw.</p> <p>The whole job hunt agian is just depressing. Somehow being in Canada last year and going through the same thing didnt feel as bad as now. Axtually it sorta did because i had to pay for rent etc but i think i was more optimistic than i am right now.</p> <p>I'm just craving my life, my job and my downtown T.O apartment back!! (minus the psycho roomates!)</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/27/this-time-last-year-7256622/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>edinburghapartmenttorontojobcanadahttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/27/this-time-last-year-7256622/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/26/re-surfacing-7249216/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2009-10-26:/2009/10/26/re-surfacing-7249216/Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:54:36 +0100 <p>Since iv totally forgotten to write in here for a whole year!</p> <p>Canada was a dream, now I'm back in shitty UK and everything i do reminds me of Toronto.<br>I also reaslied that I had written NOTHING about being away for a year, shows just how much of a good time and busy life i had.</p> <p>Back at the parents house. It's sorta werid. Looking for a job which is tedious but there you go. I want to go back to Canada and December will be that month where it will be the final deciding factor if i get the work permit.</p> <p>So whilst i wait for Dec to roll on by and determin my fate, I shall make an concious effort to update this.<br>Since i have notihng better to do.( apart from finding a temp job and going to the gym like a man woman!)</p> <p>Time for some coffee!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/26/re-surfacing-7249216/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>dreamsgymtorontocanadajobhttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2009/10/26/re-surfacing-7249216/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/10/29/niagara-falls-4952336/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-10-29:/2008/10/29/niagara-falls-4952336/Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:54:40 +0100 <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/media/photo/niagara_at_night/2943351" title="Niagara at night"><img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/351/2943351_13467c0db2_s.jpeg" alt="Niagara at night" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/media/photo/niagara_falls/2943352" title="niagara falls"><img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/352/2943352_0b0445d5a6_s.jpeg" alt="niagara falls" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/media/photo/niagara_falls/2943353" title="niagara falls"><img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/353/2943353_ad31c7a59f_s.jpeg" alt="niagara falls" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/10/29/niagara-falls-4952336/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>niagara-fallscanadahttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/10/29/niagara-falls-4952336/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/09/10/freestyle-henna-4710464/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-09-10:/2008/09/10/freestyle-henna-4710464/Wed, 10 Sep 2008 22:06:45 +0200 <p>This is just as the henna was set. <a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/media/photo/cimg2827/2801664" title="CIMG2827"><img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/664/2801664_0759f5d0cf_s.jpeg" alt="CIMG2827" hspace="5" vspace="5"></a><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/media/photo/cimg2829/2801667" title="CIMG2829"><img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/667/2801667_bb0f0b7fce_s.jpeg" alt="CIMG2829" hspace="5" vspace="5"></a><br>And below is once it was washed off! Acutally darker in real life though!<br> <a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/media/photo/cimg2848/2801669" title="CIMG2848"><img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/669/2801669_08c9b7202f_s.jpeg" alt="CIMG2848" hspace="5" vspace="5"></a> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/09/10/freestyle-henna-4710464/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/09/10/freestyle-henna-4710464/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/09/09/l-driver-fails-test-for-splashing-pedestrian-4705577/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-09-09:/2008/09/09/l-driver-fails-test-for-splashing-pedestrian-4705577/Tue, 09 Sep 2008 21:42:10 +0200 <p>Read this just a few mins ago on MSN News!<br> Found it quite funny and a lil harsh for the girl who was taking the test!<br> What has the world come to! <img src="/img/smilies/graylaugh.gif" alt=":))" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p><a href="http://news.uk.msn.com/Article.aspx?cp-documentid=9526187">http://news.uk.msn.com/Article.aspx?cp-documentid=9526187</a></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/09/09/l-driver-fails-test-for-splashing-pedestrian-4705577/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/09/09/l-driver-fails-test-for-splashing-pedestrian-4705577/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/09/02/bye-bye-ltsb-4672440/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-09-02:/2008/09/02/bye-bye-ltsb-4672440/Tue, 02 Sep 2008 16:46:49 +0200 <p>My last day at work was BUSY!!! End of the month (typical i picked the busiest day to leave) was non stop work that day! At the end i got a Good Luck card from the group with a £25 HMV gift voucher! (was surprised). Ultimately the girl who doesn't like me went and brought me the card! lol Ironic really, I hardly speak to her because she never really seemed to care to speak to me! Anyway, we went for a drink after work, didn't get out till 5.15pm which is ridiculous as we shut at 4pm! But never mind, was 5 of us and it was alright. Realised that everyone feels the same way as me about work, i.e.hate it and don't feel appreciated etc. It was quite ironic hearing people who i see skive every week say the bank wouldn't be anything without them! (Yeh if they did any work it may) regardless...<br> Im just glad to be out of there, its somewhat sad but not really. Spent 2 hours listening to fellow colleagues slagging off the new manager and what not. Interesting i must say. Im not one to bitch with work people because they all talk about each other. Risky business but i was kind of surprised how much the part-timers and some of the full time staff despise the new manager and the whole branch environment. </p> <p>All i have to say is this was the time for me to leave. So glad. It's about 16 days now till i fly off! Excited and lil scared! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/09/02/bye-bye-ltsb-4672440/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>workhttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/09/02/bye-bye-ltsb-4672440/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/23/26-days-left-4628561/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-08-23:/2008/08/23/26-days-left-4628561/Sat, 23 Aug 2008 23:28:55 +0200 <p>Inevitably, the excitement of moving to Toronto is having affects on my sleep. I lay in bed with a thousand thoughts about what it's going to be like when I get there, all the things I want to do, all the people I may meet, how my place will look, will I end up living alone or with people, what will working be like, night life, food, shopping! Ahh all these thoughts buzzing in my mind. I feel tired but the thoughts still don't let me rest.</p> <p>Been checking the exchange rate for Canada...keeps going down every time i check, looked today at work and one of the girls said we get staff discount/preferential rates on currency! What! I did not know that, but the catch is you have to do it online, not through the banks website but another one internally! ..So i found it today and tried to go onto it but of course, typical as it is, i didn't work , so i made a note of it because apparently it can be accessed form home and yeah...didn't work!!</p> <p>Tempted to call up on Tuesday and ask someone at work! (That will be interesting)..might as well try make use of it before i leave. Which is on the 30th August! My last day!! 5 years of that place and I've definately had enough!</p> <p>WOO hoo!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/23/26-days-left-4628561/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>canadaexchage-rateworkmoneyhttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/23/26-days-left-4628561/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/22/cg-and-packing-for-canada-4622926/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-08-22:/2008/08/22/cg-and-packing-for-canada-4622926/Fri, 22 Aug 2008 14:41:22 +0200 <p>Sorted things out with CG, he said everything was fine etc and i think to much which i said was not true, that he made me think like that due to his dodgy behavior (which iv never experienced in the 4 years iv known him)<br> He agreed and said it was good i cleared things! So that is that, Still don't buy the whole 'im tired every single second of the min' story that's why im being inconsiderate but yeah...that chapter has hit the grave! I've just let it be, besides, i have 27 days till my move to Canada so i have other things to stress about!</p> <p>..Officially started packing last night! Stressful!! Ended up taking stuff out and assessing whether i really needed the various tops, jackets and dresses! <img src="/img/smilies/graylaugh.gif" alt=":))" class="middle" border="0"> Made a list of what i have packed in suitcase 1. It's a start!<br> ..My destination is only 27 days away.. woo! </p> <p>Excited! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/22/cg-and-packing-for-canada-4622926/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>canadacghttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/22/cg-and-packing-for-canada-4622926/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/18/just-friends-or-more-pt-4606184/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-08-18:/2008/08/18/just-friends-or-more-pt-4606184/Mon, 18 Aug 2008 22:02:23 +0200 <p>updating on the CG Scandal..<br> I called him last night, not only did he screen me but was the most pointless unfriendly i don't want to speak to you text iv ever read! Pointing out he was tired and told me to 'take care' and said goodnight!! When in the 4 years of our friendship has he ever been so FORMAL!?!!</p> <p>He's been brushing me off ever since i got back from his so i wrote him an e-mail and sent it to him on Facebook! (As you do)</p> <blockquote><p> CG,</p> <p> Ever since I got back from yours I feel like iv been getting weird vibes off you!, I know your busy at work and have a lot going on in your life etc etc but I still feel like iv been making an effort to get in touch with you and you keep brushing me off and I get the impression you don&rsquo;t really want to speak to me anymore.</p> <p> I&rsquo;m also beginning to get a feeling u regret what happened between us? Correct me if I&rsquo;m wrong! </p> <p> Desi</blockquote>  I Send it and then go make a cup of coffee and as soon as i sit down i get an e-mail from FB, from him!</p> <blockquote><p> Hey Desi,<br> Well first of all you are natural to feel that way as a girl and i completely understand your situation but honestly speaking there is nothing like that. I'm not brushing you off i have been under too much of work pressure and pressure from home on my arrange marriage is mounting up on me.<br> If you feel that i am brushing you off then i am sorri the way you feel is wrong and there is nothing like that. I know you have been making efforts and stuff but lately i have got too much on my plate and i hope you understand as a friend what i mean.<br> i hope that clears out your confusion ..........<br> take care <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></blockquote>  <br> WHAT! do i say to that, didn't really answer my question and i somewho kinda guessed he would say something about his work.. i replied!</p> <blockquote><p> Yes i know ur busy and have pressure but i just needed to know whether u regretted it or not, hopefully u don't, (i know i don't) </p> <p> I just wanted to make sure we are cool and nothing has changed!!</blockquote>  He didn't reply!!</p> <p>...Deep down I'm not convinced!! <img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/graysigh.gif" border="0" alt=""></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/18/just-friends-or-more-pt-4606184/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>friendshipcge-mailconfrontationhttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/18/just-friends-or-more-pt-4606184/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/17/1-month-to-go-4599628/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-08-17:/2008/08/17/1-month-to-go-4599628/Sun, 17 Aug 2008 13:10:55 +0200 <p>This time next month I'll be sitting in the plane going to Toronto!</p> <p>When i think about it butterflies fill my stomach! My last day of work is in two weeks. I can't wait to get out of that place. I'll miss my regular customers! Not told them I'm leaving yet! Next week!</p> <p>Semi-packed a suitcase, although a lot more stuff can fit in, i just shoved everything in. I just know my mum will do an inspection in a few weeks so I'm just not going to bother.</p> <p>I leave Edinburgh on Monday 15th September. Flying to Bristol and then going to Swindon for 2 days. See the family down there.</p> <p>Still hasn't set in that I'm actually going. I'm not scared. Still 4 weeks to go but since I'm doing everything bit by bit so I'm well on my way to organized bliss!</p> <p>Applied for jobs but haven't heard anything yet. I still think that being there in person is going to be much easier. Nevertheless i have faith so i hope the people out there do!</p> <p>Off to the cinema now! Bollywood film! <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/17/1-month-to-go-4599628/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/17/1-month-to-go-4599628/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/11/absolut-ice-bar-london-4574137/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-08-11:/2008/08/11/absolut-ice-bar-london-4574137/Mon, 11 Aug 2008 22:44:05 +0200 <p class="center"><img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/262/2726262_bdd76dcc7b_s.jpeg" alt="Ice Bar" hspace="5" vspace="5"><img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/258/2726258_1f0d573c6a_s.jpeg" alt="Ice Cup" hspace="5" vspace="5"></p> <p class="center"> </p> <p class="center">You can actually eat that glass! lol My cocktail was rather STRONG!! I struggled! But it was </p> <p class="center">amazing going inside! I was impressed <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/11/absolut-ice-bar-london-4574137/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/11/absolut-ice-bar-london-4574137/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/10/the-thoughts-in-my-mind-4568936/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-08-10:/2008/08/10/the-thoughts-in-my-mind-4568936/Sun, 10 Aug 2008 22:26:54 +0200 <p>Keep thinking about<strong> CG,</strong> the friend i went to stay with in Leeds! About what happened and i don't even know why i'm thinking about it so much! We not spoken about what happened when i was there. He sent me an e-mail saying thanks for the sweet messages i left across his room and said he would speak to me later!<br> ..i hope all this doesn't effect our friendship because that would just be crap!! 4 years down the drain because we felt attracted to each other and took it further!! </p> <p>Saying that i don't actually want anything off him, all i want is us to be how we were! All i gotta do is wait and see what goes on!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/10/the-thoughts-in-my-mind-4568936/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>cghttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/10/the-thoughts-in-my-mind-4568936/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/08/the-journey-home-4559958/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-08-08:/2008/08/08/the-journey-home-4559958/Fri, 08 Aug 2008 14:37:56 +0200 <p>pah!! So i am finally back home. Was in Leeds train station yesterday having lunch and coffee with an old friend and just before 3pm we went to see what platform my train was and i couldn't see it No trains to Edinburgh! So i went to ask and the guy in the booth told me to get the 3.05pm to Newcastle and switch. I was bit annoyed because i booked a direct ticket, anyway so the train came a bit later said bye to my friend and got in the train.</p> <p>Turns out that there had been extreme flooding on the tracks from Newcastle to Edinburgh and the trains would terminate at Newcastle, there was no alternative way to get back to Edinburgh, no coaches or anything. People were on their mobiles letting people know and the guy sitting next to me was swearing so much i was getting a little annoyed. After a while the annoucments came that there would be a few coaches but not many and the other option was to get a train from Newcastle to Carlisle and then from there to Edinburgh via another track.</p> <p>Got to Newcastle, and were stuck on the birdge for 15mins, everyone thought we would miss the train. Finally we got off the train, i followed some poeple who were going to Edinburgh and we tried to look for a train then found one that was going to Aberdeen and was stopping at Edinburgh.</p> <p>Finally got on the train and had to stand all the way until Berwick. The lady i was talking to saw some spare seats so we quickly grabbed them and managed to sit until Edinburgh. Around 7pm the train guard who was giving humorous announcements out told us it would be 20mins till we reached Edinburgh Waverly! Wooo!! </p> <p>7.30pm i was out the train, the fresh air was a relief with the jam packed train. We were told we could claim back money because of the inconvenience. Will look into that soon. I finally reached home at 8.30pm, alot of traffic on the road.</p> <p>At one point i thought i wasn't going to make it back home but i did.<br> The journey home was an experience in itself! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/08/the-journey-home-4559958/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/08/the-journey-home-4559958/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/06/just-friends-or-more-pt-4553101/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-08-06:/2008/08/06/just-friends-or-more-pt-4553101/Wed, 06 Aug 2008 23:50:25 +0200 <p>Remember the first 'Just Friends or More' post, here is part two..<br> I'm sitting at that friends flat, call him <strong>CG</strong> in his room , on his bed. He is sleeping in the spare bedroom, he went to bed just before 10pm because he has work tmrw and for some reason i am totally annoyed. Besides being extremely bored, i come to see him and ok fair enough he has to work but i don't know, things have gone totally wild this past week. I'm starting with this story.</p> <p>Back to the post where he asked me if i had ever been attracted to him, i said no becuase that is what i thought, well i said i didnt know but i knew i didn't think he was until i saw him in person for the first time in 4 years. Can you believe it. Despite me saying nothing would happen it did, I was adamant it wouldn't but i don't know how or when or why it really happened.</p> <p>Tuesday, (Yesterday)he took me for dinner in 'Felicini' in Leeds and then to TigerTiger for drinks. The night was good, fast forward past 3 tequilla shots each, 4 ameretto's and coke and JD and coke(his drink) 2 sex and the beach cocktals later we moved to a differnt part of the bar to the part where people were dancing. Initially we were messing around, he was poking me and i was trying to tickle him, he was trying to stop me and holding my wrists down. It was quite funny and playful. So we danced alot, he got closer and i let him, he had his arms around my waist and i thought ok fine, (being tipsy too)then after some time, when we were dancing he kissed my neck (my weakness) and i let him. We were dancing and i didn't think anythng of it,I knew if i turned around or maintained a long eye contact i may regret it so contintued to dance.</p> <p>We moved to sit on the sofas in TigerTiger to rest, he has his arm around me and i was resting my head on his arms, then he begins to poke and tickle me so naturally i was trying to poke and tickle him back and i don't know how but he was tickling me so much (and he is very strong) that i ended up laying on his legs, (half laying) and he had my arms locked tight and i was trying to break free, (in a playful way, we were laughing alot) and i don't know how or when but the next thing i know was that he was kissing me. I felt his lips strongly kiss mine, eager like the kiss was inevitable. Strong, hard and even made my lips swollen. We kissed for some time and i don't know what's more weird the kiss or me or us not feeling weird about it. We decided to go back home.</p> <p>Back at the flat..<br> Had to wake his flatmate up because he lost his keys. My lips were swollen from his hard kiss. Not sure i like it that rough and painful but all i knew was i wanted more. Strangly. Said hi to his friend and went in his room. We began to kiss and he threw me on his bed and pinned me down and kissed me more. The next thing i was totally topless and he was pulling my trousers down. I stopped him and said that maybe we should think about what we were doing incase he regretted it in the morning. He is the type of person who i never imagined woulod do something like that. I myself am not like that and i am naughty, i go by the fact that do what pleases you and if you feel its right who cares what everyone else thinks..<br> anyways. He said he woulnd't regret it and i resisted for ages. I wanted to take things further, it wasn't just being tipsy but i really wanted to. He said to me 'doesn't this feel right to you'. One thing lead to another...</p> <p>The whole experince was a bit crap! Eventually after trying a bit we got tired. Wasn't the greatest sex i have had. Worst i think but the next day (today) i still wanted more. </p> <p>Today we went to the cinema and lunch and shopping and came home and were messing around, he told me he liked to dominate and had me pinned to the bed, i liked it. Why did i like it? I still don't know. He kissed me when we got back and i had been dying for that all day. Fooling around, laying around, was fun. I thought we would do it again, and maybe this time it would be a little bit better but in the end, after dinner, before dinner we were fooling around but after dinner, just before 10pm he told me he wanted to go to bed. I was very annoyed. </p> <p>1.I have come here to see him<br> 2. Ok i know he has work the next day but atleast stay up till 11pm<br> 3. I think i'm also annoyed because he made me damn horny all afternoon and didn't finish it off!!<br> 4.I am surprised at how shallow i am becomming that all i want right now is sex. Not really like me.<br> 5. I feel damn sore below as he was quite rough so i should be thankful for not gettng another round but damn it...<br> <strong><br> <del>I WANT HIM!!!!</del></strong>d and i am here, on his laptop witting about him and being annoyed at myself for even thinking like this and shocked that i don't find any of this wrong. I jus wish it was a bit of a better expeience. I have no idea what he thinks. Maybe he changed his mind bout sex again but i am generally a little confused now. I really don't know what has gotten into me since iv been away. I pulled another friend in London i met for a drink and dinner. (For a different post)</p> <p>Back to <strong>CG</strong> leeds.. he leaves for work at 7am. I set my alarm to 6.30am. He said he would wake me when he goes. I have no idea when i'll see him again. Im going to Canada in a few weeks for a year. I'm not sure what's going to happen now. Im not sure i want anything to happen either. All i know is i don't regret it but i am surprised it happened. Because i NEVER imagined we (he) would be like this! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/06/just-friends-or-more-pt-4553101/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>cghttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/08/06/just-friends-or-more-pt-4553101/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/30/julie-the-budgie-4520595/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-07-30:/2008/07/30/julie-the-budgie-4520595/Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:19:26 +0200 <p><img src="file:/emC:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Ritz/Desktop/Family%20time/CIMG2289.JPG" alt=""><br> <a href="http:/emwww.blog.co.uk/media/photo/cimg2289/2697385" title="CIMG2289"><img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/385/2697385_90af01f367_s.jpeg" alt="CIMG2289" hspace="5" vspace="5"></a> <p>She is so cute, she lives in Burnley at my uncles house! They have had her for 12 years now! When you whistle she makes her own noise in response and tries to bite you but it's still very cute. She loved it when i was taking pictures of her! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/30/julie-the-budgie-4520595/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/30/julie-the-budgie-4520595/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/25/real-or-a-fake-friend-4497314/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-07-25:/2008/07/25/real-or-a-fake-friend-4497314/Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:16:54 +0200 <p> I think fake! I don't know why I feel negativity towards one of my friends who i used to have such a good time at uni with. It's just after the whole <strong>M</strong> thing and her getting<u> wayy</u> to involved and then going off and telling anyone and everyone she met about mine and his 'relationship' that i begun to really distrust her. Especially since she admitted to telling people that she told them bout my relationship with him and the icing on the cake was that he thought it was me! Big arguments etc. Nevertheless she stood there watching me getting very upset and not even saying sorry. After all that i couldn't believe she would do that and then him find out and blame me when it was her who was telling everyone what he was like. I moved on along time ago with regards to him and then at the end of uni she decided that she couldn't take the fact that me and C were such good friends (they were sex buddies for a while until he ended it because she wanted more) -was obvious from the start. C is one of my best male friends and she thinks we had/have a secret affair going on ,and one day i invited him for lunch and she got pissed off and after that day she would go on about M thinking it would annoy me which is didn't. I just wondered why she kept talking about him. Until the day he had a big go at me accusing me of all sorts.</p> <p>Since that day i was mega upset but let it be, then after our exams we went on a night out and she got pissed off and left me in the club alone because<br> 1. I didn't dance with her when she wanted<br> 2. I was talking to my friend AJ who had been in Edinburgh<br> she got fed up and left! Then next day told me not to be pissed off and said that she didn't want to make small talk with the guys she was getting introduced to because she didn't know them. When i told her i didnt know anyone apart from AJ she didn't have anything to say.</p> <p>I just left it and then there was the issue of graduation ball, she wanted me to pick her up because she didn't want to go on the bus in her dress. She was rude and said she wasn't going to get a taxi. I refused. Why should i go out of my way to pick her up! She is not poor, her parents pay for everything, her dad is an MD of a German company</p> <p>Basically since uni has finished and graduation has finished non of us have heard from her because she doesn't need us to do anything. I sent her a lil message on facebook saying hey, hows u? Too busy to even get in touch eh <img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0"> with a stick out tougue and she emailed me and said it was rude of me to start an email like that! Excuse me!! I told her it was a joke hense the emotion but never mind..she was telling me that she was busy at work and that is about as far as her e-mail got. Asked how i was and if i was excited bout Canada. </p> <p>When i was replying i felt like i had nothing to say. Im not even sure why i got in touch with her in the first place. I just don't trust her anymore or feel i can tell her anything after the M situation because it is obvious she can't be loyal to her friends, especially when she thinks there backstabbing her and have sex with the guy she likes!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/25/real-or-a-fake-friend-4497314/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/25/real-or-a-fake-friend-4497314/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/16/edinbugh-to-london-to-leeds-and-back-4458266/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-07-16:/2008/07/16/edinbugh-to-london-to-leeds-and-back-4458266/Wed, 16 Jul 2008 23:31:30 +0200 <p>Got my tickets through the post today. Off to London on the 31st to see my friend! <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0">Not seen her since last summer. We take it in turns to visit. Quite a good thing really. Excited bout spending the week there. Getting bored of Edinburgh especially since uni finished and everyone left or is busy with their partners.</p> <p>Also going to Leeds. Staying with one of my male friends. (Just friends) and meeting up with another one of my male friends the day i come back! (Old boyfriend) but we have been good friends for years now. </p> <p>looking forward to getting away. Bit nervous bout getting to London as i have no idea where to go in the train station. Funny though, coming from me, who is off to Canada and isn't a bit nervous but am nervous bout going to London! <img src="/img/smilies/graylaugh.gif" alt=":))" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/16/edinbugh-to-london-to-leeds-and-back-4458266/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/16/edinbugh-to-london-to-leeds-and-back-4458266/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/14/just-friends-or-more-4444345/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-07-14:/2008/07/14/just-friends-or-more-4444345/Mon, 14 Jul 2008 01:28:40 +0200 <p>Today one of my very closest friends asked me if i had ever been attracted to him or thought of him in a non-friend way? We were having a conversation , just a general one on MSN and i was just saying how different people attract me depending on the person, its not necessarily a particular age etc and then he said to me if he could ask me an honest question to which, without thought i said yeah and he said to me. <em>You know what i'm going to ask don't you. I </em>said no.(but i kind of guessed he might ask something like that) and he did. </p> <p>I can't belive he actually asked me. I said i didn't know because of being friends for so long and like id never thought about it and then he said yeah i knew your answer. So i said how and why and he said he knew i'd be confused about it. So then i asked him the same question back which he joked about and said the question expired as soon as he asked me. I said thats not fair and he said he had '<em>searched the possibilities' </em>what ever that meant. It was kinda weird but not weird because  i didn't feel so awkward but then we just joked and then talked about something else. I just got off the phone to him. It.s 1.10AM...i phoned him becase my msn wasn't letting me send messages and then he phoned me back and i was saying to him that i couldn't believe he actually asked me that question and he said well yeah i wanted to know. When i had said to him what would he have said if i had said i was attracted to him he said that he would dig in deeper and try to find out more. He told me to look on google and find out signs of liking your best ftiend. haha that kinda made me laugh,. the thought is ridiculous. He wanted me to do some quiz which i refused. What's the point. Were not 13 yrs old!</p> <p>Anyway, the phone conversation was normal. It's actually been months since we spoken like that to each other beacuse we had a massive argument 3 months ago (i think) because he was seriously bugging me and being obsessive. He thought he wans't and we just ended up having an argument and the excessive calls i didn't like and he was saying <em>Were not in a relationship why wud i be obsessed over you. </em>Which lead to another fight/argument rather because basically he was acting like my boyfriend (which he isnt) and it was annoying me. He obviously didn't think so and when i tried to tell him to stop calling me so many times and just leave a message and i would call back wen i was free didn't really sinnk in. So we chilled it out and kind of drifted apart for a bit. It was bliss, i was meant to go visit him in Leeds but i didn't because he had to work and i was glad because it was getting out of hand and we were talking to each other WAYYYY too much , everryday on msn, web cam and phone and usually that was ok but i was getting ike really used to it which kind of scared me and i didn't want to speak to him everyday and get used to it that it would like not feel right if we didn't speak. Anyways that aside, after the whole issue of him  literally in my eyes being bit too much involved in everything i did, despite being in Leeds and me in Edinburgh i had that chat and it was disastrous. But we agreed we didn't want to speak to each other! Actually i told him i didn't want to talk to him.LOL it's quite funny when i think about it. KInd of. Maybe not for him!</p> <p>I kind of missed him now and then but i didnt get in touch because i thought he was still annoyed with me telling him i thought he was being abit to obsessive and him taking things way out of hand but yeah he texted me last week telling me he was in Edinburgh and wanted to meet but i busy so i couldnt. To be honest i didnt want to see him. I don't know i was still kind of in the i don't want to talk to you, stop calling me mode. Even though it was ages ago i thought it would be weird to meet up.  Today he phoned me around 8ish and yet again, another argument bout how i didn't meet him and i said he should have told me before but it wasn't a serious one because we were actually talking like we usually did before the whole drama and argument. But it was ok after. I was telling him i was going to London to see <strong>K,</strong> one of my friends and he said i should come to Leeds on my way up which is a good idea because, believe it or not, its <u><strong>£10</strong></u> from London to Leeds,<img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/smiley-surprised2.gif" border="0" alt=""> and only £23 from leeds to Edinburgh. I told him to find out if he could have the days of work because im booking my tickets to go down on the 31st tmrw so i will need to know. Anyway i want to go see him and i don't think today lil have u ever been attracted to me will be an issue because first and foremost we are friends and that's the way it should be. </p> <p>The way i want it to be i think, because im too scared to think of anything else right now, and i don't even want to think bout anything other than that because i'm going to Canada. Hopefully he gets the 2 days off and we can have fun and that will be our goodbye until i come back. I don't think we would work in a relationship. I'd get too annoyed with him. hmm...</p> <p>Why do i all of a sudden feel so uneasy!?...<br> I think i need my bed! <img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/graysleep.gif" border="0" alt=""></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/14/just-friends-or-more-4444345/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>cghttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/14/just-friends-or-more-4444345/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/12/baby-bro-all-grown-up-4439798/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-07-12:/2008/07/12/baby-bro-all-grown-up-4439798/Sat, 12 Jul 2008 21:33:30 +0200 <p>My baby bro, well not a baby anymore passed his driving test yesterday! So proud.<br> He took me for a drive today! MY GOD!! ...i was trying soooooo hard not to comment on his gear change, smoothness, approach, etc etc.<br> I now understand how my parents feel when i drive! Haha!<br> He's a good driver, impressed. Oh how i foresee the fights to use <del>the</del> my car! <img src="/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif" alt=":DD" class="middle" border="0"> He's already got my keys!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/12/baby-bro-all-grown-up-4439798/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>brodrivinghttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/12/baby-bro-all-grown-up-4439798/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/11/title-4436595/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-07-11:/2008/07/11/title-4436595/Fri, 11 Jul 2008 23:18:09 +0200 <p>..Instead of being excited about going i feel miserable and feel like crying.</p> <p>Mainly because my parents make small things sound so trivial like how will i ever manage to carry 2 suitcases<br> and basically the general attitude of thinking im incapable of doing anything when im in Canada.<br> Telling other family that they don't really want me to go and then contradicting saying it will be a good experience yet i don't see any support on that matter. NOT once has my dad read through the papers iv given him to look at, ok so he sent me several links on jobs (Because thats what matters in the end, if i dont get a job straight after uni im a failure, messing around, wasting time) then speaks to me like i haven't done my research and making it out that it's going to be soo bad. Then my mums a whole different story with the tears and negative talk about how i might die or get raped there. WHAT?? WHY EVEN THINK OF THAT??<br> ...i guess parents are parents and they care but right about now all i see is both of them being so un- supportive. They know iv booked the flights and it's official yet the constant negativity and making small issues into a dramatic issue is really a downer. </p> <p>Every time i want to be excited i don't because everything they say just ruins it. Like it's on purpose. Heard dad on the phone saying to a relative that he didnt want me to go and is guilty of not being so enthusiastic yet i still get the big lectures and comments like what im doing is stupid.</p> <p>No doubts tmrw morning on the way to work i'll be getting another pessimistic have u done this have u thought of this, xyz, yes dad i have, if u dont belive me it's not my fault. All that just before i go to work..then i have to be HAPPY and deal with moaning customers!! </p> <p>I'm going to hide in my bed now! Goodnight! <img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/graysigh.gif" border="0" alt=""> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/11/title-4436595/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/11/title-4436595/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/11/heart-to-heart-4432177/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-07-10:/2008/07/11/heart-to-heart-4432177/Fri, 11 Jul 2008 00:53:50 +0200 <p>Today my aunt phoned to say congratulations on getting my degree and congratulated my hard efforts as she knew it's been hard for me. Especially at school when i struggled a lot. That aside we were talking about my Canada trip and moved onto marriage and it was a funny nice conversation then we moved onto the independence one has before they get married and she was telling me that this was the time to do whatever i could and that i shouldn't feel the 'peer pressure' to settle down. She was telling me that at 21 she felt pressured to marry and did and her dreams of wanting to travel the world and her thoughts of how she may do that when she married but how life changed. I told her about how i felt about all my friends jumping into that area and how it made me feel outbalanced and how i felt like i was being portrayed as the <em>'frivolous one</em>' in the group when she said what i kind of knew already that there was time to do all that. (Marriage, flat,mortgage, 'proper job') she went on to say that independence was important and the importance of being in a situation where you can depend on yourself and not have to rely on your 'husband' to do things, make payments, buy a house, career effects. Relationships would form and trust and commitment would come with time and i would know when the right time was. This was the time to do what i wanted because things change and may not get the same chance.</p> <p>It's ironic really because i do know this, and i know that there is time before you can settle down and there is nothing wrong with doing something different but when everyone you know is doing what's perceived as the 'normal' thing it makes you wonder. It was a nice conversation, a heart-to-heart in a way, i always feel comfortable talking to her and sometimes we talk about things that make sense and even her husband, my uncle, i find it nice to talk to him as well about the 'out of the box'' ideas i want to do, more so than my parents. My parents are pretty open minded as far as an Indian family go but sometimes i find it hard to tell them things, just not that comfortable. I do but sometimes it's different talking to my aunt. </p> <p>So anyway, i realised, am trying to realise (i know it deep down) that what i am doing is ok, and who cares what other people think, so what if i want to go off to Canada and have an adventure, whats so wrong about that. Just because most Indian girls have never done that or dared or wanted doesn't mean i can't. I am going and i will prove to myself and to my parents, and family that it <u>was </u>and<u> will be </u>the best thing for my career and life in the future.</p> <p>Thank you to my Aunt who sometimes says those little things which impact me in the biggest way possible. Love to her! x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/11/heart-to-heart-4432177/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>degreehttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/11/heart-to-heart-4432177/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/09/officially-graduated-4422452/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-07-08:/2008/07/09/officially-graduated-4422452/Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:44:59 +0200 <p>Tuesday 8th July 2008 at 10am! </p> <p>Today was so nice.  We arrived at uni quite early and managed to swiftly get the tickets, and gown and get proffessional photo's done all before 9am!. Quite impressed. The ceromony was nice, fast, organised, efficient and damn very impressive. The speech made at begining by one of the proffessors who was giving an award to a man who had made honoury contributions in econmonic theory was VERY BORING!! But after that the awards and names were called out each row one by one, everyone seated within their subjects and grades achieved. Very eficiently organised. The chanceller of the school made a grand appearance followed by a prayer by a priest and a stand up for the lecturer's of the school. And scroll and name calling.</p> <p>After it was over we all met up outside and hugged all my friends and managed to get a few photographs with who ever was around. Then we went to the garden party which funnily enough was held inside due to the weather BUT as the British weather goes it was REALLY HOT OUTSIDE!! it was  a shame but we had our reception party in one of the canteens in the uni with a glass of sparkling bubbly and strawberrys. Chatted with some lectures met some friends parents, took more pictures and that was that. </p> <p>Around 12.30 ish alot more people begun to arrive at uni as the afternoon ceremony was going to take place. My dad insisted on getting more pictures around the campus so we walked around and took pictures on the grass, next to the statues etc. Main reception etc. Was fun. </p> <p>When we got home a friend who is graduating tmrw told me he found my name in the local 'Scotsman' newspaper so me and dad went to the co-op to get todays paper and there it was, all our names of all the people who graduated on the 8th july on it. I am going to keep it forever! Totally made my day! </p> <p>For dinner my dad took us out for a meal to Pizza Express and we had a 3 course dinner. I had sicillion lemon sorbet for desert and it was FANTASTIC! </p> <p>Ended the night by meeting some friends for a drink in a pub (first year all over again) and drank the most awfully made moijot's of ALL TIME!! It looked like i had salad in my drink as one of my friends friends asked. It was £2.99 but still...the days of going to Opel Lounge for a Mojitio -by far the best i'v tasted!! So we all sat around and chatted, those of us that were there and some random friends of frindes who i didn't know. But it was ok. Got abit bored after and tired so got a taxi back home. But all in all graduation day has been really good. Im really tired but the ceremony was really nice and it's so surreal i cnt believe i have actually<em><strong> officially graduated!</strong></em>! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/09/officially-graduated-4422452/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>degreegraduatedhttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/07/09/officially-graduated-4422452/#commentshttp://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/06/29/lost-inbetween-reality-and-desire-4382081/tag:fallacious.blog.co.uk,2008-06-29:/2008/06/29/lost-inbetween-reality-and-desire-4382081/Sun, 29 Jun 2008 22:14:27 +0200 <p>....today one of my friends call him<strong> AJ </strong>,e-mailed me telling me to call him as soon as i read his message. I thought it was abit weird i mean, we met up once, (on a night out) but talked on facebook etc, anyway i texted him and he texted me and said<u> 'Call me please', </u>which naturaly got me a lil worried. When i called him he was like when someone says call them u dont text! which made me laugh and i said to him that he could have just told me what he wanted to say and then say call me.<br>..Anyway he called to see if was going out tonight as he just got back from Newcastle and is in Edinburgh. Celebrating <strong><em>Jacuzzi Guy's </em></strong>Birthday. <br>..NOw <em><strong>Jacuzzi guy </strong></em>is his friend i met last time i was out and he gave me his number and told me to text him, which i naturally did as he seemed to be quite nice. I suggested to meet up for a drink but he cancelled as he had football and then was going out and told me to come along. (which i didnt go) but then since that day i havn't heard from him and iv not bothered. He is on my facebook etc. <strong>AJ</strong>  me he had a girlfriend 3 weeks later which i found strange because the day after when  <strong>AJ</strong> was leaving to go back to london was texting me and i told him <em><strong>Jacuzzi guy</strong></em> had given me his no. and<em><strong> AJ </strong></em>said to def go for it and text. Anyway after all that business i kinda stopped making an effort because it's pretty clear he wasn't that interested. Which is fine. </p> <p>...back to the situation..<br>They were all going to Newcastle to celebrate <em><strong>Jacuzzi guys</strong></em> birthday and<strong> AJ</strong> asked me on Tuesday if i wanted to go with them! Found it a bit strange but i said i couldnt as i had work etc and he kept saying take it off , call in sick. (i get highly annoyed when someone says that to me!) So today they got back. And besides i thought how weird would it actually be to see <em><strong>Jacuzzi guy</strong></em> again. </p> <p> Basically <strong>AJ </strong>made me call him to ask me if i was going to go the that same club we went to last time. I mean i quite like that place, has my kind of music its just that even if i would want to go i actually can't think of anyone who wants to go there. It's made me realise fully today that im <strong>lost inbetween reality and desire, my desire.</strong></p> <p>The friends i have here are in their relatinships and well, going out isn't what i'd say there 'thing'<br>So despite me wanting to go i can't because <u>number one</u>, i would never go alone, and<u> two</u> there is no one to go with. <br>I know it sounds like ,aww poor thing , get the violins out but recently iv begun to realise that all my friends have moved ahead and we are not in the same place anymore. This has been on my mind for a while but today i feel like letting it all out! It's not just about going out it's just the general i now have a partner therefore i am incapable to do anything on my own and friends will always be there whenever the partner isnt around. </p> <p>At<strong> 22</strong> , just finishing <u>4 years</u> at uni , i want to go out and have my fun before i go to Canada and most of my friends are now in serious relationships, working full time jobs, married/engaged, moved away and in with the quiet nights in, mortagages affair!! The idea of going out is stretching it with them going home early or saying it will cost too much! Asking permission of their partners or saying they are unable to function without them! How?? at <u><strong>21/22</strong></u> ..<br>why do i feel iv lost my way!? ...i feel like everyone has moved on and im here, waiting for oppourtunities to go and have a good time and everyone else around me is settling down. I feel like theres plenty of time to stress over all those things and feel that i'm the only one who gets mega bored sitting in all weekend!! </p> <p>I know people say go out and do something about it but it's not really that, im not magically going to find another set of friends over 4 years in a few weeks. I sat at the weekend wondering<em> why </em>i was not out there having fun like i should be! ...<br>guess this is reality, nothing stays the same!!   I may not even feel this way later on but recent events through the friendship group has made me feel this way. I just feel sad and i know it's inevitable that peoples priorities change but i just wish i didn't feel so dammed <u>Lost! </u>as a result of it!<u><br></u> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/06/29/lost-inbetween-reality-and-desire-4382081/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://fallacious.blog.co.uk/2008/06/29/lost-inbetween-reality-and-desire-4382081/#comments