Today one of my very closest friends asked me if i had ever been attracted to him or thought of him in a non-friend way? We were having a conversation , just a general one on MSN and i was just saying how different people attract me depending on the person, its not necessarily a particular age etc and then he said to me if he could ask me an honest question to which, without thought i said yeah and he said to me. You know what i'm going to ask don't you. I said no.(but i kind of guessed he might ask something like that) and he did.
I can't belive he actually asked me. I said i didn't know because of being friends for so long and like id never thought about it and then he said yeah i knew your answer. So i said how and why and he said he knew i'd be confused about it. So then i asked him the same question back which he joked about and said the question expired as soon as he asked me. I said thats not fair and he said he had 'searched the possibilities' what ever that meant. It was kinda weird but not weird because i didn't feel so awkward but then we just joked and then talked about something else. I just got off the phone to him. It.s 1.10AM...i phoned him becase my msn wasn't letting me send messages and then he phoned me back and i was saying to him that i couldn't believe he actually asked me that question and he said well yeah i wanted to know. When i had said to him what would he have said if i had said i was attracted to him he said that he would dig in deeper and try to find out more. He told me to look on google and find out signs of liking your best ftiend. haha that kinda made me laugh,. the thought is ridiculous. He wanted me to do some quiz which i refused. What's the point. Were not 13 yrs old!
Anyway, the phone conversation was normal. It's actually been months since we spoken like that to each other beacuse we had a massive argument 3 months ago (i think) because he was seriously bugging me and being obsessive. He thought he wans't and we just ended up having an argument and the excessive calls i didn't like and he was saying Were not in a relationship why wud i be obsessed over you. Which lead to another fight/argument rather because basically he was acting like my boyfriend (which he isnt) and it was annoying me. He obviously didn't think so and when i tried to tell him to stop calling me so many times and just leave a message and i would call back wen i was free didn't really sinnk in. So we chilled it out and kind of drifted apart for a bit. It was bliss, i was meant to go visit him in Leeds but i didn't because he had to work and i was glad because it was getting out of hand and we were talking to each other WAYYYY too much , everryday on msn, web cam and phone and usually that was ok but i was getting ike really used to it which kind of scared me and i didn't want to speak to him everyday and get used to it that it would like not feel right if we didn't speak. Anyways that aside, after the whole issue of him literally in my eyes being bit too much involved in everything i did, despite being in Leeds and me in Edinburgh i had that chat and it was disastrous. But we agreed we didn't want to speak to each other! Actually i told him i didn't want to talk to him.LOL it's quite funny when i think about it. KInd of. Maybe not for him!
I kind of missed him now and then but i didnt get in touch because i thought he was still annoyed with me telling him i thought he was being abit to obsessive and him taking things way out of hand but yeah he texted me last week telling me he was in Edinburgh and wanted to meet but i busy so i couldnt. To be honest i didnt want to see him. I don't know i was still kind of in the i don't want to talk to you, stop calling me mode. Even though it was ages ago i thought it would be weird to meet up. Today he phoned me around 8ish and yet again, another argument bout how i didn't meet him and i said he should have told me before but it wasn't a serious one because we were actually talking like we usually did before the whole drama and argument. But it was ok after. I was telling him i was going to London to see K, one of my friends and he said i should come to Leeds on my way up which is a good idea because, believe it or not, its £10 from London to Leeds,
and only £23 from leeds to Edinburgh. I told him to find out if he could have the days of work because im booking my tickets to go down on the 31st tmrw so i will need to know. Anyway i want to go see him and i don't think today lil have u ever been attracted to me will be an issue because first and foremost we are friends and that's the way it should be.
The way i want it to be i think, because im too scared to think of anything else right now, and i don't even want to think bout anything other than that because i'm going to Canada. Hopefully he gets the 2 days off and we can have fun and that will be our goodbye until i come back. I don't think we would work in a relationship. I'd get too annoyed with him. hmm...
Why do i all of a sudden feel so uneasy!?...
I think i need my bed! 
