....today one of my friends call him AJ ,e-mailed me telling me to call him as soon as i read his message. I thought it was abit weird i mean, we met up once, (on a night out) but talked on facebook etc, anyway i texted him and he texted me and said 'Call me please', which naturaly got me a lil worried. When i called him he was like when someone says call them u dont text! which made me laugh and i said to him that he could have just told me what he wanted to say and then say call me.
..Anyway he called to see if was going out tonight as he just got back from Newcastle and is in Edinburgh. Celebrating Jacuzzi Guy's Birthday.
..NOw Jacuzzi guy is his friend i met last time i was out and he gave me his number and told me to text him, which i naturally did as he seemed to be quite nice. I suggested to meet up for a drink but he cancelled as he had football and then was going out and told me to come along. (which i didnt go) but then since that day i havn't heard from him and iv not bothered. He is on my facebook etc. AJ  me he had a girlfriend 3 weeks later which i found strange because the day after when  AJ was leaving to go back to london was texting me and i told him Jacuzzi guy had given me his no. and AJ said to def go for it and text. Anyway after all that business i kinda stopped making an effort because it's pretty clear he wasn't that interested. Which is fine.

...back to the situation..
They were all going to Newcastle to celebrate Jacuzzi guys birthday and AJ asked me on Tuesday if i wanted to go with them! Found it a bit strange but i said i couldnt as i had work etc and he kept saying take it off , call in sick. (i get highly annoyed when someone says that to me!) So today they got back. And besides i thought how weird would it actually be to see Jacuzzi guy again.

 Basically AJ made me call him to ask me if i was going to go the that same club we went to last time. I mean i quite like that place, has my kind of music its just that even if i would want to go i actually can't think of anyone who wants to go there. It's made me realise fully today that im lost inbetween reality and desire, my desire.

The friends i have here are in their relatinships and well, going out isn't what i'd say there 'thing'
So despite me wanting to go i can't because number one, i would never go alone, and two there is no one to go with.
I know it sounds like ,aww poor thing , get the violins out but recently iv begun to realise that all my friends have moved ahead and we are not in the same place anymore. This has been on my mind for a while but today i feel like letting it all out! It's not just about going out it's just the general i now have a partner therefore i am incapable to do anything on my own and friends will always be there whenever the partner isnt around.

At 22 , just finishing 4 years at uni , i want to go out and have my fun before i go to Canada and most of my friends are now in serious relationships, working full time jobs, married/engaged, moved away and in with the quiet nights in, mortagages affair!! The idea of going out is stretching it with them going home early or saying it will cost too much! Asking permission of their partners or saying they are unable to function without them! How?? at 21/22 ..
why do i feel iv lost my way!? ...i feel like everyone has moved on and im here, waiting for oppourtunities to go and have a good time and everyone else around me is settling down. I feel like theres plenty of time to stress over all those things and feel that i'm the only one who gets mega bored sitting in all weekend!!

I know people say go out and do something about it but it's not really that, im not magically going to find another set of friends over 4 years in a few weeks. I sat at the weekend wondering why i was not out there having fun like i should be! ...
guess this is reality, nothing stays the same!!   I may not even feel this way later on but recent events through the friendship group has made me feel this way. I just feel sad and i know it's inevitable that peoples priorities change but i just wish i didn't feel so dammed Lost! as a result of it!