Fallacious

...and what seems like every day. I am going to continue writting about my year in Canada but right now I feel like moaning because of the whole situation in waiting to go back and job thing made me reflect cus i just e-mailed one of my best friends in T.O and i pretty much said that my ife is really boring here and I can't even get a job. (apart from the one i was offered- yeh so I got offered a job which was too far away, less pay and i was over qualified for- the whole savings idea wouldn't even be considered so i declined it!) so it really sucks. I don't even have any friends either! -well 2 but when your married it's not exactly the same is it now so weekends when people go out and have fun im at home. Even going to the gym feels like a chore!! Same old fuckin route there and back!! It's really depressing! How exciting is my life!!! NOT!!

To top off my boring life, when i was there i met this guy  ' The Engineer/Analyst' aka E.A who i'd seen around ( i'll explain his story later)  at various bollywood nights and  it was going well -sorta and he knew i was coming back here but yeah anyway. so when I got back he stopped talking to me claiming work was 'busy' so now Iv realised that he def has a gf, although I dont really care I just feel totally STUPID cus i had e-mailed him when i first got back here and  my instincts were so right bout him wanting just one thing so iv decided from now on when i get that feeling about someone they can fuck right off. Also what  bothering me (since i have nothing else to do) he has this constant update on his FB and what do i have on mine?Nothing because Iv become mega boring with nothing interesting to say or do apart from moan about how boring life is! lol -like right now and I don't even feel like getting out of bed or getting dressed up in that matter!

Rant over!

Not specifically relating to a love interest (although partially) but also to that life and everything else i experienced and learnt about my self whilst being in a city of tall buildings, the busy lifestyle and the 24hour nightlife to the work, the people, the roomates, the fakers and even the beggers.

I remember the very first day I landed and it all just felt like a dream come true. 5 of us sitting in the Express city bus to downtown, sun blazing and all of us dressed for what we thought was winter. A 35 min ride later I caught my first glimps of the famous CN tower  which was one of the biggest focal points in my year in Toronto. It was exciting. The rush of seeing these tall buildings and the warm heat and excitment of getting to the city and experiencing life alone was well worth all the drama's I had written about in my previous posts.

I remember sitting in an orange cab with 4 of the girls who had ventured off to Canada as i had and we were making our way to the biggest shopping centres there. As this orange cab drove us along richmond st, and through the unknown to us the financial district to the biggest tourist attraction of T,O we got out and debated whether we had over tipped the driver. - A constant worry I found I faced when i first arrived.

It all seemed fantastic, and surreal. Then I would never have imaged that I would have ended up living 10mins away from the heart of it all and even dreamed that I would have gotten a job ,with a huge bank, in an office in a building attached directly to the biggest ever tourist shopping mall in Ontario!!

Current plan:
Trying to find some temp work so I can save up the cash to apply for the canada work permit again and pay for the flight and insurance there. So far the job thing isn't going too well. Im trying to stay optimistic until i find the destiny of plan A

Plan A:
1 month till I find out my fate of going back to Toronto. (Dec , im waiting for you to roll on right by and make my dreams come true)

Im just waiting to know so I can e-mail my manager at the bank over there and tell her Im coming back so she can offer me a job. Appranntly she really likes me and i think that the job i was doing I would have got offered a permanant contract, damn my visa running out just before I could get to that stage. But Iv been told on several occasions to get in touch once I get this permit so as soon as i Know she is the first person I'll be e-mailing.

Plan B
I'm thinking that If i don't get this visa then I'm going to India for 12 weeks and volunteer. (Anything to avoid sliiping into the traditional job, car, flat, mortage routine)

I'd rather not stay in Edinburgh, because it just sucks. For me anyway, it doesnt have the same appeal it did when i was at uni here. So i think my back up would be to try this volunteer thing. ( It's so not going to be good for my bank balance) so i think Im going to also have to come up with a plan C

Plan C
Traditional job thing but that means that It's gunna be hard to do anything else because ultimatly i reckon once i get on that route that's going to be it. Maybe trying to find a stable job will be good in terms of money and stability.

I really wonder what will happen!

Last night i dreamt of a guitar!!

I dreamt i was holding one and attempting to play it and breaking a string or two and then asking someone , i can't recall if it was a man or woman if what i was doing was right.

I walk into costco this afternoon and i see a GUITAR!!
It's like this instrument is haunting me.

So I looked it up on dream dictionary and here's the interpretation:

To see or play a guitar in your dream, represents passion and emotion.
It also relates to sexual connotations and may signal an erotic or sensual dream.

um OK!! not the sort of sexual/erotic/sensual dream I had imagined!

..i've come back from Toronto iv been highly addicted to :

1. Lucozade
2. Chocolate
3. Kettle chips

I don't really know why! hmmm

http://raceandscience.channel4.com/

Im loving these new programes on channel 4. It's so shocking and controversial.

Im watching How racist are you? the other night i watched the series on Bleach, nip and tuck which i found sad, esp seeing the preview for the second one where people are going through surgery to look like the common 'white' person.

Very controversial!

I was in the heart of downown Toronto, in my swanky ( to my then standards) apartment, moments way from the ever famous Eaton Centre (where my future office was), a chineese resturant (actually 4 surround the blocks) a cosy starbucks open till 11pm and in a basking view of the city lit up and the CN Tower glowing away and two pretty cool ladies who shared the place with me.

Fast forward to this time present day,
Im in Edinburgh, away from any sort of city lights, nothings open, in my old bedroom, watching shitty tv, on msn, feeling lost because this is the life i was craving to get away from when i was at uni.

I dont  think im fully reay to go back to Toronto just yet, It was fate my application didnt work out while i was there , hence coming back to figure out what i really wanted. I think i want to go back but i need this time to find something to do. Yet another day of job searches. A woman from  an agency called me up enquiring about my CV she found online and wanted to know what i was looking for.  Got a reply from one of the temp jobs i applied for saying they have already filled the vacancy. Great, another round of endless cover letters shall be sent out tmrw.

The whole job hunt agian is just depressing. Somehow being in Canada last year and going through the same thing didnt feel as bad as now. Axtually it sorta did because i had to pay for rent etc but i think i was more optimistic than i am right now.

I'm just craving my life, my job and my downtown T.O apartment back!! (minus the psycho roomates!)

Since iv totally forgotten to write in here for a whole year!

Canada was a dream, now I'm back in shitty UK and everything i do reminds me of Toronto.
I also reaslied that I had written NOTHING about being away for a year, shows just how much of a good time and busy life i had.

Back at the parents house. It's sorta werid. Looking for a job which is tedious but there you go. I want to go back to Canada and December will be that month where it will be the final deciding factor if i get the work permit.

So whilst i wait for Dec to roll on by and determin my fate, I shall make an concious effort to update this.
Since i have notihng better to do.( apart from finding a temp job and going to the gym like a man woman!)

Time for some coffee!